Girl Through The Window
by Star Sheep
Summary: Right before OOTP.Remus discovers Tonk’s secret passion.He already broke her heart, now this!Follow Tonks as she changes lives with her passion and hope spirit and love. RLNT
1. She'll Kill Me If I Tell

Hey everybody! It's me… or is it? Well… I hope you like this! Please send feedback, and I am so sorry if it's short!

I own nothing… wish I owned Lupin… but I don't and this is a tribute to the person who does… Tonks.

This takes place right before OOTP

Girl Through The Window 

She'll Kill me If I tell

Remus's Point of View

The Order of The Phoenix was formed again. I won't deny I hadn't missed it. I would fight beside Dumbledore and take a spell for him any day, but after awhile of living in shadow and being a recluse, there's only so much a person can take. 

But then again, I am a recluse. Nymphandora Tonks had willingly said that to me.

I was invited to a dinner with the group, and I had nicely declined. The full moon was only a few days away. Tonks (at the time donned in lime shoulder length curly hair and knee length jeans and a baggy shirt ripped at the sleeves) had looked at me and said very bluntly;

"You're a recluse, you need to get a life Remus….."

Well, now we're even. She told me last week she liked me. Does that sound childish or is it just me? Why was I thinking like a self-conscious third year? Why did I want to love her too? I know I hurt her feeling, but I can't be with anyone! No, I won't jeopardize her life. No.

This inner conflict torments me, causing me to get less sleep than I already do. She's beautiful. I love her bubby gum, or blue or purple or whatever color hair she has at the particular time. I love her when she winks at me, and I love her smile and the way she says "Yep, everything's coming up roses!" her current saying.

My thoughts these days jump rapidly from topic to topic, like they are now as I walk though the Black household. Wood squeaks beneath my feet as I walk with a cup of coco, warming my cold hands.

I thought of everything and nothing. I felt ashamed and embarrassed of my almost childlike emotions, yet felt like basking and living in them as well. For one day, I didn't have to think about Voldmort or the war or a mission. Now all I thought about was Tonks.

We were supposed to take Harry tonight, and Tonks was among the group. Oh no. I was selected because Harry knew me. The others were volunteers, and Tonks had willingly volunteered. How could she do that? I had broken her heart! She put her every emotion on the line, and I had walked away and left her (I think) to tears. It broke my heart to do so, because weather I wanted to admit it or not, I love her too.

Thank Merlin only my heart new that, because if it didn't, I would never know it, it would have been a secret dug deep that would be like a dusty empty shelf that never would be looked at.

It came so suddenly. No one can pick where and who we love. It happens, and it can happen in an instant. And, it felt like I was the only one denying it. I never thought I believed in love at first sight, but I guess secretly I did.

I loved her. I truly deeply all consuming loved her. It was crazy and almost unbelievable, but I loved her. I was in love. I felt strange, like I wasn't myself, like I was acting different. I never thought like this. Did all people in love act like this?

No, I couldn't love her. I was so poor. I barely had enough to keep myself alive. I would NOT bring her into poverty. I wouldn't do that to her. I was too old. She needed someone who could take her out at night and dance with her… till the sun came up. I was not that boy. No. I was a werewolf. I could kill her, hurt her, harm her… bite her. NO! I would not make her suffer like that. The thought made me want to kill myself for the very idea that I could do that to her. I would have to learn to say good-bye.

I wandered aimlessly letting my feet guide me to random rooms in the old spooky house. I knew the place right and left and upside down so it didn't matter. Too much was on my mind.

I ventured into the Black library. I had a day off. To me, that was a negative, it gave me more time to think about her. I looked around and the lit fire crackled in the silence of the dark room. Brown and old dusty books surrounded me. I walked to a shelf near by. A book caught my interest. It said "Le dancer"

What? This was… odd. Why was THIS in the black household? I pulled the book out, and felt a hard push against my back and fell forward. The door closed behind me as I hit the ground. I had just fallen though a secret passage! A passage in the Black household that I never heard of it? That seemed hard to believe.

Stone surrounded me. I saw a torch of fire above my head as my guiding light but that was it.

I stood up and pressed my hand to the door. Nothing. I was stuck. I took out my wand and cast a few simple spells. Nothing. I was getting frustrated. I hit the wall with my fist… and heard music.

Music? There was in fact music! For the first time I saw a hallway. With nothing else better, I walked down it. The music grew louder and louder as I walked down the hall made of stone. It was instrumental and classical music. Why? None of this made sense! But then again, not many people would fall though a secret passage and follow the music they hear. Once a Marauder always a Marauder.

More and more torches lit my way through the stone carved passage way. A passage way or a secret hiding place? It was beginning to seem more like the ladder.

What I saw next shocked me.

Then, I saw a room. Windows covered half f the upper wall, and the side was lined with mirrors. The floor was covered with a polished wood floor. The music sped up and hit the crescendo and died.

And Nymphadora Tonks landed; her hands crossed at the wrists, her hands lying light, her legs in a lunge and her back bent back at a slight angel, her head crooked to the side lifting upward.

My mouth was hanging open.

A tight black (leotard was it?) was clinging to her figure, and a pear of knee length dance pants and shoes with ribbon tided up to above her ankle, the shoes sticking out from her foot. They were dirty and worn.

She was absolutely beautiful. I had never seen her like this. Nymphandora Tonks was a dancer.

The music started again. She lifted her leg into the air into a graceful pose. She lifted herself onto the top of the shoes. They were Le Pointe shoes. She twirled and spun and leaped into the air, her legs in a split in the air, her arms held up one in front of her body, the other in mid air. She landed, turned and her mouth dropped open as she saw me.

Shock, embarrassment and suddenly anger filled her face. She opened the door and grabbed my arm and pulled me into the dance studio.

"What in the name of hippogriffs and squirrels are you doing?" She bellowed at me, her grip most likely leaving a bruise on my arm. "THIS is privet!" I didn't see the want to cry in her eyes.

"Nymphadora….."

"NO! Don't say the name! How could you… why would you do this to me?" she let my arm go roughly, ripped doff her ballet shoes and threw on jazz shoes. She picked up her wand and flicked it too the 'boom box' as Hermione called it, and a strong fast song came on, and her body flew into fast intricate movements.

Her legs flew here and there; her body shook and moved to the beat, her face rough and angry. She was furious. She kicked her legs out and bent back the ballet elegance and grace never really leaving.

I don't know what made me sit down on the ground against the mirror in the front of the room. She was phenomenal. Her pink hair changed as she spun into shoulder length brown curls.

She lifted her leg completely against her side and lifted it above her head; and she fell forward into a split on her right leg, her whole body laid down completely on the ground. Over her leg, her hair tumbling around her head that was touching to her knee, her breathing was heavy. I saw her shoulders moving up and down as she breathed. The song ended and her body remained as it was in the split.

After a few moments, she turned her head sideways facing me. Her eyes burned. I hadn't realized I hadn't been breathing. I had been too busy staring at her.

"If you tell anyone, I will curse you. I will hurt you… rephrase that I will kill you. This was supposed to be a secret…"

"Where did you learn to do this?" I asked, completely ignoring her comment.

"Anywhere I could, why?" she asked heatedly. I smiled, amazed at what she accomplished.

"When did you start?" I asked leaning closer to her. I had that self-conscious third year emotion. Actually, I think it was becoming the self-conscious curious first year.

"When I was two." She flipped herself around doing a split on her left leg.

"Amazing." I said smiling. "Your hair…"

"It changes to my natural appearance when I'm furious." She said angrily.

"Ah…" I said gently. 

"Look, you already broke my heart, do you have to COMPLETELY ruin my life?"

"I was not under the impression I had." I said calmly. She never lost it like this. I had really hurt her. For some reason, I felt nothing. I didn't feel bad, I didn't feel angry. Nothing. Because I felt nothing for her pain, I felt worse than I ever had. I felt like I had killed her, destroyed her. I think I really had.

"If you tell ANYBODY… I will kill you." she repeated.

"I know…" I said softly. 

"Get out." As I race out of the dance room as I was told, I lied to myself, and told myself I didn't see her crying onto her tights.

If I told anyone, she WOULD kill me. But, I deserved it. I had already killed her.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I watched her slip into a different pair of dance shoes, and put on a sad song and drop to the floor as she danced, her emotions out, where only the mirror could see it.

I was just watching her through a window, and I saw her cry, and I just walked away as I watched her dance…..

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

I really hope you liked it! PLEASE review. P.S This story (and Tonks) in this is based on my life of love and passion for dance. It's my life. I dance 12 hours a week. I do Ballet, Jazz, Le Pointe and Lyrical. All of which you will hear about Tonks doing. You shall see!

Thanks again to all who review. It means so much and I will update as soon as I can! THANK YOU


	2. He's Always there

New chapter. Hope you like it. PLEASE review! Remember, I write only for you!

I realize the story takes place in 1995, but **I am using songs from NOW. Don't yell at me! Songs are a lot better now! Haha!**

The song by Gwen Stefani is NOT mine! The lyrics are only in it for effect and understanding! 

Chapter 2

He's Always there

Tonk's Point of View

One month Later

How exactly he memorized my schedule of when I come down here I will never really know. How for a month at random moments he took Harry's invisibility cloak without him noticing to watch me I will also never know.

Why I love the fact that I know he watches me dance is driving me to the point of insanity.

We kept our dignity in front of other people, but when no one else was around, our relationship was hideous. He clams he can't love me and can't be with me, but he sneaks around everyday when he can to watch me dance? That's what kills me more than anything.

He thinks I can't feel him, that I don't sense him. But I can feel his shadow. I always know when he walks into the dance studio to watch me under the safety of the cloak. If he wished to kill me, I'll kill him right back.

I perform all my lyrical numbers when he's there. A cross between modern and ballet that acts out a song's words hurts me and him. I put the depressing music on, and I dance my hurt to him.

I started dancing when I was two. As my personality developed, dance seemed a sport that didn't match it. So, as I got older, I hid it more and more even as my love for it grew. And then I met Remus, and he broke my heart.

I'm not a girl that mopes around over guys, but over him it was different. I don't care what he says that he's older and poor and a werewolf. I don't bloody well care. We're meant to be.

But he won't find out my other secret. He will never find out about the FREEDOM Dance Company. Freedom was a dance team for of age female wizards. But it wasn't a normal dance team that just went to competitions. It fought of rights of Wizarding creatures; including werewolves.

The team sponsored and preformed at benefits from the rights of these creatures. And, in a few months, we're performing at an anti-benefit, a benefit against half-breeds. We're performing to change their opinions. And the head of the anti-benefit is none other than Dolores Umbridge. She knew we were performing and even gave us permission to the floor, convinced their views will not be changed. Does she know I'm in charge? No.

Possibility of losing my jog; high. Possibility of success; low. What am I waiting for?

Remus broke my heart in two, and I'm the head coordinator of the Freedom dance team fighting for his rights. Ironic huh?

But, there are more secrets he'll never find out. I look at the clock; it's 5 p.m. I have practice at the Freedom Head quarters center for three hours now, and an hour of teaching to do.

I hope he follows me.

XOXOXOXO

I'm a genius. Remus did follow me, and what a sight he is beholding now as I walk through the doors of Freedom Head Quarters. I greet the woman at the desk and walk through the lobby doors to the kid's area.

Play areas and a fake outside of trees and fun rooms are all around me. An athletic area and sitting rooms catch my sight as I reached the stairs. And everything, as it always is; is filled of children.

Freedom Head Quarters is an orphanage; an orphanage for lost, orphaned half-breeds. As I walk the stairs to the many dance studios on the second floor, my first class waits for me.

I am pummeled into a dog pile of five year olds; literally. The class I teach is a class for ballet, jazz and lyrical level one werewolves. The full moon is a few days away, their young eyes all shine yellow. Remus knows. I hear him gasp slightly from behind me under Harry's cloak. I have to ignore him. I have to.

"Alright, alright! Get off Miss T!" My fellow freedom dancer and best friend Modesta cries to the giggling girls hugging me. She takes my hand and pulls me up. Her long dark hair is not yet pulled into a bun for our practice an hour later.

"Get into class and warm up!" I tell the young girls. "Mode, how are you?" she shrugged. Her first son had been bitten at a young and tender age of two and died transforming at age three just a few months ago. The attacker was the infamous (in a terrible way) Greyback.

"I'm alright." She said smiling. She was my age and shy, but we were best friends, and the lead choreographers of Freedom. No one asks twice why she is a member. Her specialty is Tap and Hip Hop. Mine is Lyrical and Jazz. Together, we run Freedom dance team.

"Who else is here?"

"Jira, Azuka, Tristessa and Aislin. Watch out for Jira. She's out for blood. Literally." Jira was the only Vampire and half-human of the group. She laughed as I shook my head and walked into the smaller of the three dance rooms to stretch with the others. I walked into my class of girls.

Remus followed. I heard him sit down in front of the large floor to ceiling mirror.

"Ok, girls! Jazz for a half hour today and fifteen of ballet and lyrical. It's close to the moon you girls need to stretch well and move. The girls stood up and spread out throughout the room as I led them through a jazz warm up.

I put on some loud Weird Sisters music and set to work.

I put my hands on my hips and pointed my foot out in front of me. And back again. After the foot warm up, I dropped my hands to my sides and started shaking my hips back and forth to the fast beat of the music that I lived my life by. I saw of the girls struggling to keep up with the beat, and mentally cut the music beats in half and moved my hips in half time for them to keep up.

I had to torture Remus a little bit. I was doing a good job of it too.

"Leaps across the floor!" Uproar of cheers came with it and the girls lined up near the back wall. I put my wand on the center of the room on the ground. "Skip then leap over my wand and skip to the other side of the wall! 5-6-7-8!" The first girl started skipping, and a group of three girls went to fast right behind her and the all ran into each other.

"AwhOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" One howled.

"THAT HURT!" Another yelled.

"YOU ARE STUPID!" One screamed at another girl who then burst into tears at being insulted. I ran to turn of the music and I could almost feel Remus's heart rate rising at the scene before him. A fight broke out, and in about two seconds, the same girl was howling and throwing her arms all over the place, the girl that was sobbing was sitting cross-legged on the floor crying, and the other tow devils were the fighters.

"STOP IT!" I screamed breaking the two girls up. "Carly, we do not call others stupid and we do not start fights. Heloise, you do not join in fights. Inez, you can not cry every time you are insulted. And for god's sake Tala, no howling UNTILL the full moon."

"I like to sing!" She said smiling at me.

"And you have a LOVELY singing voice, just save it for the moon." All the girls nodded at me. I blew my breath out, my brown curly bangs lifting at my breath.

"Why isn't your hair pink?" one little girl named Myrilla asked me. "I thought you were a meta, metamorgs, metado, meta-meta, metapo,"

"It's metafoggious!" Tala said with a bright smile felling smart with her thinking she knew how to pronounce my rare gift.

"Close enough," I laughed at her. "Sometimes my powers don't work, like when I'm sad,"

"Are you sad now?" Carly asked sitting in my lap, her compassionate face looking up at me. "Is it what I did? I didn't mean to call Inez stupid… I'm sorry Inez, I won't do it again. I promise."

"It's ok." The girl said. She reached over and hugged her friend in my lap and Carly hugged her back.

"No, it's not because of what you said and it was nice that you said you were sorry. My feelings are just a little hurt right now, that's all. I'll be ok." I moved on to stretch the girls for the full moon. "Do you girls still have your splits?" When you're young, flexibility comes easy, and if you stretch it out, you can keep it. They all nodded to me. Keeping them all flexible made their transformations not as painful.

We stretched well for another fifteen minutes. I know it doesn't make it painless, but it helps. That's all I want to do; help.

Sometimes it's not enough.

The class ended a half hour later, my mood not the best. I acted fine for the girls. And Remus knew that. He was just always there. I don't know if I wanted him to be or not.

Well, he could watch our company practice for three hours. Jazz was first, and once again I would lead warm-ups. I could get my anger out then.

Hey Tonks, you alright?' Jira asked me as I slammed my music into the stereo.

"I'm fine," I said as I moved of the front of the large room that held the twenty freedom dance team members, the music started, and three long hours with Remus watching my every move started.

Let the torture begin.

I shook my hips like a mad woman when the music started to get our bodies warm. I then slid into a lunge and the room followed. We did a low lunge on both legs, and I stood up, and I could feel Remus's eyes following mine. I paused as I could feel us making eye contact. I froze for a moment.

I dropped down into a perfect center split with my chest on the floor. I flipped over and did a slow fan kick with my legs and the room followed suit. I moved back to the cent split and sat up from the split and moved my shoulders forward one by one bringing myself lower and lower to the floor very slowly to stretch out the lower back

I know… I'm evil.

After a few more minutes of stretching, we transitioned for the company number. The company number is where the whole group dances. And the particular one we were practicing today, was the anit-beneifit one.

"Why are we using a muggle song again?" Jira asked me.

"To tick of Unbridge….music on! 5-6-7-8-!" The words to "What Ya Waiting For" by Gwen Stefani blared through the stereo. We all moved to the side of the walls for the slow walk in entrance.

I landed in a lunge, the music picked up, and spun into action. And for the first time as I listened to the song as I danced, I saw my life pass by before my eyes.

Three turns lift the right leg fall to the ground. Leap, turn cross the legs over and under of each other, turn land in a lunge. Each girl had at least a small solo, I mentally prepared for mine on the lyrics, "_Born to blossom bloom to parish," _ then Mode had her bit, then it went back to me for "_I know it's all messed up how our society all think, life is short you're capable." _I was pleased that was my part.

The exhilarating number went on, and by the time it was done, we couldn't breathe. Why had I choreographed it to be that hard? For practice we preformed it three more times, and then we just fell to the floor laughing from inevitable death.

"When are we going to talk about lyrical solo? The one nominated girl who gets to pick the song and perform at all the conventions and competitions and represent us?" Tristessa asked.

"Tonks." They all laughed at the same time. my eyes flew open.

"You want me to do lyrical solo?" I asked shocked. A professional witch ballet instructor choreographed one girl's lyrical solo for each competing group. And they elected ME to represent them?

"YES!" they all yelled.

"Next topic?" Modesta asked sitting up laughing. Her bright wedding and engagement rings sparkled in the bright overhead light of the room. I felt my gut sink in a second and my body instantly felt like a black hole. The other women were standing up talking and I walked over to where my friend was getting a drink of water.

"hey can you all run tap net? I'm not in the tap piece and you know how behind I get on paper work. This next convention is big." I wasn't going to have Remus find out about the anti-benefit.

"I know, you know it means a lot to me. Sure, we can do that. You go catch up on your paper work. I'll keep everyone here in order. See you in an hour?" I nodded and let the room, Remus following me like a shadow.

I felt him follow me into the dance studio office, and strange shivers went up my back in the dark room. Papers were all over the desk, and costume books were sprawled all over. I looked at them and the apparently empty chair next to me that I knew was occupied. I looked at pictures of the company with our classes (we were all instructors) and I caught my moving picture with the werewolf children. I lifted the picture and looked at their smiling faces. So young and so innocent, but so alone.

I broke down into tears.

The world had changed forever. There were enemies again and hate and war. A war that I was fighting in. My dreams were turning. I heard the sound of a young child crying downstairs and wind pick up outside and I saw the pink setting sun. Leaves turning from green to gold twirled and tumbled around the outside of the window of my haven as I watched the years go by.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I leaned my head against it and let my tears fall as the seasons seemed to change before my eyes. I felt the grip on my shoulder tighten for a moment, and I longed to hold him closer from an unnatural cold that seemed to possess me.

Then, the touch was gone, and I heard him leave through the door. I looked around me trying to find something, someone maybe. I cuddled up to myself and cried. I never cried like this. I was stronger than this! But, I guess sometimes, tears are the only thing to comfort us. I would be alright. I knew I would be alright. I just needed to cry.

I cried for the war, I cried for my family, I cried for the Order, I cried for my ten students, I cried for Remus and I cried for the passing years.


End file.
